You can’t see it all
You can’t capture it all
You can’t share it all
Sometimes you’re going down the hill and that’s the point. To be there at that moment. And it’s all yours.
To stop and take a picture. To try and save this moment. To try and share this moment and tell people what it meant to you. It’s impossible. It was the perfect moment in the accumulation of moments in my life and you can’t possibly know all the things that I thought in that perfect moment in that perfect place in the perfect silence on that perfectly long and fast down hill.
So I let go of the need to capture, preserve and share. And I let go of the brakes. And I fly like the wind.
I’ve thought a lot about what traveling has meant to me. There are so many things I wish I could capture and remember just like they were when they happened and I was there wrapped in magic moments. But I can’t. And that’s ok. Being there was enough. I get to take everything that got me to those places and enjoy them and take everything I learn from those places and use them to enjoy every new place I get to.
The truth is, that soon this moment will be gone. And that’s always going to be true. I get to feel grateful knowing that these moments will always be coming as others are going. I think travel makes me realize what I can’t take with me. I can’t take you with me. This might be the last time we ever hold each other or touch or kiss or smile or laugh or sing. Ever. For the rest of my life I might never gaze on these shores or sing from the top of this mountain or fly fly flyyyyy like the wind down this hill. I feel that sadness deep down in my chest. It’s a pang of love and bittersweet longing to hold on. But at the same time I smile through my chest into my lungs, up my cheeks and into my eyes with endless gratitude for being able to exist in every moment, and experience the love that makes this world amazing.
And there is also hope. As I spin this web that is my life and make connections with people, as some come and go to and from my life, I realize that I don’t know what will happen in the future anymore than I did when I left on this trip. That could the most exciting thought I’ve ever had. I REALLY can’t say never to anything! All I can do is be willing to go. Go travel, to learn something, go talk to someone, go for a bike ride, just go. Keep going and be willing to go even when doubt and fear would make me stay. As long as I go when my heart wants to and I overcome the fear that keeps me planted, then I may again see these shores and sing from this mountain, and maybe even hold you again.
Life is a funny thing. It just keeps going. So too must I.